THE ROOT and ROUTE OUT OF SEXUAL LUST & PORNOGRAPHY

It's always good to get a group of guys together to talk about porn and lust issues. The journey really matters. At one point, the question gets asked: "If sexual sin is the 'fruit,' what is the root?" It's a good question... but is it an accurate one? In the context of lust and porn, the fruit is depression, loneliness, anxiety, laziness, guilt, shame and anger. The branches supporting and growing the fruit are porn and masturbation. The trunk is lust. (See Drawing 1)

Reality Check: Harvest the fruit as often as possible; it keeps growing back. Hack the branches and chop the trunk of lust, porn and masturbation as frequently as possible (cycles of sin & confession), they keep growing back. The question remains: what is the root?

The next question explored by the group of guys: "What are the reasons anyone engages in porn?" The responses: pleasure, loneliness, boredom, curiosity, and fear, with justifications of no harm, no foul and selfishness & entitlement. Really good answers. Are any of these the actual dominate tap-root? (See Drawing 2)

For a person who believes in God, as revealed in Jesus, as revealed in the Bible, the taproot of everything we do and everything we believe about us is found in the answer to the following two questions: Who is God? and What is God doing? (See Drawing 3)

So, what do we actually believe about God when we analyze the given root issues?

Pleasure: If porn is an inappropriately wrong pleasure-source then... God must be a killjoy.

Loneliness: If porn meets this need then... God is not present. He may have abandoned me.

Boredom: If porn gives purpose and creativity to life then... God is not very creative and does not provide me with enough purpose.

Curiosity: If porn satisfies curiosity then... God is insufficient; maybe He can't satisfy me.

Fear: If porn removes the fear of inadequacy or rejection then.... God is less than my fear and does not make me adequate or give me worth.

No Harm: If porn does not hurt my brain physiology or psychology or my relationships then... God is lying to me about porn being sexual sin.

Selfishness & Entitlement: If porn is acceptable & appropriate for self-satisfaction then... God is holding back & holding out on me.

Ah... the taproot issue then is what is actually believed about Who God is and What God does. According to our image, God is a killjoy, who is not present or creative or purpose-giving, and who is not enough to satisfy, and is holding out and is ultimately a liar, who does not measure up to our fears. That is what is believed about God if the reasons for pursuing porn are accurate.

This is hopeful. Because now we can get to the heart of a solution. The truth about Who God is can replace the lie about Who God is. Repentance can occur. Turning to the true God from the false god - real repentance - is possible, followed by true forgiveness, and a new taproot in Who God is and What God has done through the cross. This allows the Spirit of God to grow the fruit of righteousness; no thanks to the sin nature or flesh or self at all.

The truth about Who God is:

Killjoy? No. God wants us to find joy in Him and life that is full (John 10:10), provided through the resurrection life of Jesus to those who believe.

Absent? No. Jesus is God with us (Matthew 1:23) and God promised to never leave or forsake His children (Hebrews 13:5) and after Jesus' resurrection and return to Heaven, He sent the Holy Spirit to live in us (1 Corinthians 3:16).

Not creative or purpose-giving? No. Even during the darkest moments of the cross, God's purposes were being carried out and God has huge purposes for His children by faith (Ephesians 3:10).

Insufficient? No. The cross sacrifice and restoration to life of Jesus is enough to give us all that we need to live this life (2 Peter 1:3).

Less than our fear? No. Jesus overcame death and hell on the cross. He is greater than any fear we could ever have (Hebrews 2:14; Revelation 1:18).

Lying? No. Jesus revealed a God of truth who showed us the truth about God and about us through the cross when He did what was necessary to remove our sin. Jesus is the truth (John 14:6).

Holding out? No. If God did not spare His own Son but freely gave Him up for us all, how will He not give us all things, and for our enjoyment? (Romans 8:32; 1 Timothy 6:17).

If we want new fruit, we need a new root. We get a new root by changing our belief about Who God is and What God does. Repentance is not changing behaviour; repentance is changing belief. Someone who turns to God from an idol has repented. And God empowers the change that produces the fruit of righteousness. A new root is the route out of sexual lust and porn addiction! With God and the good news about Jesus, we truly can change both the root and fruit of this whole diagram. (See Diagram 4 and draw a new one!)

LET'S GO!! At Radiant City Church there are people who will journey with you into freedom.

HOW TO OVERCOME A PORN ADDICTION

It's a brand new year. Maybe you have made resolutions to take on this challenge or to change that area in your life.... If the following is your struggle, would you make this the year the one in which you take serious steps toward freedom in an area that is sapping the life out of communities of Canadians, and society in general. In a hyper-sexualized culture, addiction to porn is at an all-time high and taking ground every day. It's time to stop the trend and to take seriously the resources of authority and empowerment that God has available through a relationship with Jesus and with His Body on earth, the church. To get the conversation going, please read this life-giving story of a Pastor named Perry Noble and consider the 5 wise recommendation Steps he provides.

And know this, RCC in Kitchener, like Newspring in South Carolina, is a church where no perfect people are allowed. We journey together and even talk about this issue and others at our Sunday Gatherings.

Perry writes: "If you are struggling with porn or know someone who is, I pray sharing my story will help you or encourage you to seek help.

My dad and I bought one of the first satellite dishes that ever came out. If you are 40 or older, you remember those things—they were enormous! It was great because we had access to all of the movie channels. What was not so great is that as a 14-year-old child I had access to pornography nearly any time I wanted to see it. (And there are not many 14-year-old boys who would turn down that opportunity!)

We didn’t keep the satellite dish forever, but it began my addiction. Throughout high school, I would purchase magazines. I developed an unrealistic view of sex and an extremely unhealthy view of women. (Pornography is not art. It is the enemy minimizing the importance, the beauty, and the role of women. They are NOT sex objects, nor do they exist for a man's sexual gratification. Women exist to be pursued, loved, cherished, and treated with respect!)

In May of 1990, I accepted Christ and my life was changed; however, I had sown the seeds of porn into my life for five years…and that didn’t just go away overnight. In fact, I struggled with it for the next 10 years. I can’t even begin to tell you what I went through emotionally and spiritually. I doubted my salvation, I almost walked away from the ministry, I thought that God hated me. I just could not get control of the addiction.

Porn was my “secret sin” that no one knew about. I was not renting movies or buying magazines because of the fear that someone would see me. But anytime I had a chance to watch a movie with a nude scene, I took it. Anytime I had the chance to watch HBO or a channel like it, I didn’t turn it down.

Then in 1996 someone introduced me to the Internet. That is when things almost spiraled out of control. It wasn’t a big deal at first. I was just going to “research and see” what was out there so I could be a “more effective minister.” (If you are caught up in it, then you KNOW that excuse!)

I admit I wanted to die at times. I would do really good for a while—many times going months without choosing to look at porn — then BAM! I would surf the internet for several days in a row, yielding to the lure of the enemy’s voice.

Finally in March of 2000 I said, “No more!” I was getting married in April of that year, and I knew what a pornography addiction could do to a marriage. I can honestly say that since then I have not viewed pornography in any manner, and I thank God Who has provided that strength.

5 Steps I Took To Overcome Pornography That Still Help Me Today

1. Ask for accountability! 

And I am not talking about finding someone who has the same problem as you, both of you confessing that you “messed up” that week, and then feeling OK because you were not the only one to sin. I am challenging you to find someone who [may have the same struggle with the problem but is overcoming it] and will get in your face. My accountability partner and I have made a $1,000 promise to one another. If he or I view porn,  we have to write the other person a check for $1,000. It might not work for you, but there have been times I have been tempted and thought about my checkbook!

2. Get away from the net! 

This is tough for an Internet junkie, but it is needed. Jesus said if your right eye causes you to sin then gouge it out, so I don’t think it is a stretch to say if your computer causes you to sin then get rid of it. I had to take this step. For about five years, I did not have Internet in my house. I didn’t trust myself. Even today, my computer has accountability software on it and a record of every site I visit is sent to a member of our executive team at New Spring. This holds me accountable.

3. Do not travel alone! 

Men [and women], under no circumstances should you travel alone if you are struggling with this, especially if you are in the ministry. Tell your church that you wish to be a [person] of integrity, that temptation is real, and that they need to fork out the money NOW or LATER. (Later meaning they will have to hire another pastor/staff member and pay their moving expenses, etc., because they were too cheap to assist you in your walk!) New Spring never allows me to travel alone, and it has made a difference!

4. Tell your spouse! 

S/he has a right to know, and s/he can pray for you in powerful ways. I told Lucretia about my struggles before we were married, and she still prays for me and holds me accountable today. This will hurt her, and it will put a strain on things. But if she finds out in some other way—and she will—then not only does she feel like you cheated on her but she feels lied to as well.

5. Ask God to help you to develop a healthy view of women and men. 

One thing that helped me the most was when I began to think, “That woman is some man's daughter, and when I have a little girl I don’t want other men viewing her in a lustful way!” I have to admit—this one did it for me. I  want my daughter to be treated with respect, and looking at someone with their clothes off in a lustful manner is not respect. It is self-gratification.

I have been there. I have struggled and I have overcome. And the same Jesus who lives inside of me lives inside of you. Please, for the sake of the Kingdom do something about this!"

Note: Also check out yourbrainonporn.com which has many resources to reboot one's brain and to become porn-free.

Christmas is a Time to Stoop

The announcement went first to the shepherds. They didn't ask God if He knew what He was doing. Had He gone to the theologians, they would have first consulted their commentaries. Had He gone to the elite, they would have looked around to see if anyone was watching. Had he gone to the business people, they would have first checked their schedules.

Instead He went to the shepherds who didn't know enough to tell God that angels don't sing to sheep and that messiahs aren't wrapped in rags and sleeping in a feed trough.

Today, a small cave outside Bethlehem marks the supposed birthplace of Jesus. The entryway is so low that you can't go in standing up. You have to stoop.

The same is true of Christ today. You can see the world standing tall, but to witness the Saviour, you'll have to get on your knees.

What a privilege that we can come to Him, our Creator and the God of this universe, in a very real way through His Son, the King of kings and Lord of lords!

May you know His amazing, awesome, and perfect Love today, this Christmas, and always.

....portions by Max Lucado

"The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14).

Supposed Birthplace of Jesus

The Power of Blessing - Part 5

The Power of Blessing - Part FIVE

Continuing our focus on the 7 Stages of Blessing, we have reached the 4th stage, namely Early Childhood.

At Conception (1) the question is: "Am I welcome in this world?"

During Pregnancy (2) the question to be answered is: "Is there a safe place for me in the world?" 

At Birth (3) the question is: "Will my needs be met in this world?"

Now at stage 4, Early Childhood the question to be answered is: "Who Can I Trust in this world?" 

Jesus told the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them," Mark 10:13-16. A look, a touch and a meaningful word from Jesus brought so much to these young children. Their lives were affirmed by their very Creator. Jesus' disciples wanted the kids out of the way. In response, Jesus was "indignant" (to be angry over injustice) and said, "Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them." A child's honour is not determined by their age or abilities and they need to be affirmed of this.  Do children need to be taught how to internalize right and wrong which leads to good behaviour? A thousand times yes.  "For pre-school to pre-teen children, being corrected without being affirmed produces a feeling of rejection; it curses rather than blesses," says Terry Bone author of "The Power of Blessing."   (more to be said about this soon)

A Blessing on a Young Child may look like this:

* We bless your early childhood, that you may learn to trust everyone who has godly authority in your life.

* We bless your play times, that you may learn and grow to your full potential. May you be kept safe at all times.

* We bless your mental development, that nothing would hinder the growth of your mind to its full potential.

* We bless the development of your will, that you may be shaped in wisdom and love by those who lead in your life. May you learn to make wise choices in every life decision.

* We bless your spiritual journey, that you would understand and experience what it means to walk with God at a young age.

* We bless your family relationships, that you would discover and enjoy a sense of belonging in a family that loves you. May you be kept safe from accidental emotional injury and improper discipline.

* We bless your school experiences. May school be a safe place for you to learn and to grow. May school leaders and teachers recognize and encourage your gifts and talents.

* We bless your friendships. May you be guided to make wise choices in every relationship outside your family circle.